Travelling Secretary

Meet Stevie Jones - the travelling secretary for Mike Henton, President of NASCAR. Stevie's hobbies include driving his Ford F350 dually Super Cab up north to go sleddin', watching NASCAR races, eating ribs, and sleeping. He enjoys long drives around the office on his motorized wheelchair, and is a career-oriented professional who travels across these United States organizing travel plans for his celebrity employer. Stevie also enjoys a Gentleman's Jack, straight up, in a short glass. He will only smoke Winston Select cigarettes, and will not abide by or adapt to any of these new "No Smoking" laws being put in place throughout the major U.S. cities. If you run into Stevie, offer to join him at a Shoney's Buffet - legend has it he once ate Shoney's for every meal of every day over the course of a ten day business trip.

2009 Softchoice Soup Strainer Competition: Winner!

Wow, what a week! The 2009 Softchoice Soup Strainer Competition was an unparalleled event worthy of full CNN coverage, but USSS was steadfast in securing the rights to this competition of biblical proportions. After some impressive entries from the good folks over at Softchoice Corporation, our six judges were delighted to announce that Bill Laverty came out victorious!

Kudos to Andrew Campbell for his Silver Medal finish, and a special thanks to all who participated. We are already preparing for the 2010 event, and look forward to an even bigger turnout!

2009 Softchoice Soup Strainer Contest

Toronto, ON - It is with great pleasure and excitement that we are able to announce that Ubiquitous Soup Strainer Seeker has been chosen as the official judges in the 2009 Softchoice Corporation Moustache Contest, taking place on Thursday October 22nd. With stiff competition and numerous participants, this promises to be one of the premier corporate moustache events of the year. We are humbled and honoured to have been chosen by Softchoice as the official judges of the contest. Keep your eyes peeled late next week as we choose finalists, and ultimately the "Softchoice Soup Strainer" of 2009 in this Battle Royale.

Wetback Whistle

Alejandro Ruiz spends six days a week tending to the opulent gardens of Dr. and Mrs. Forsyth. His meticulous attention to detail and the passion he shows for his trade have kept him employed at their San Mateo estate for the past eighteen years. Thankfully, every year around Christmas, the Forsyth's treat Alejandro to a $200 gift certificate at The Chocolate Factory in downtown San Francisco. With his wife by his side, Alejandro proudly hops off the streetcar to his uptown apartment where he can spoil the couple's seven children with the fruits of his labour.