Macy's Moustache

Thirty six years of selling quality auto parts to the major American car manufacturers, and what thanks does John Crayton get? A swift kick in the ass when his employer kicks him to the curb in their efforts to "cut costs". Not one to feel sorry for himself, John dusts himself off and is keen on supporting his loyal family by quickly securing an Assistant Managerial position at the local Macy's Department Store. Although his new position is at many times thankless, there are certain perks, too - 40% employee discounts, two weeks of paid vacation, and being able to fire that snot-nosed little fucker with the god damned metal in his face.

Luckily for John, Macy's doesn't have the same facial hair restrictions as the New York Yankees.