Chak Can Cook

The sun was blistering and high in the South Asian sky, when Jhinuk Veeravaghu first met her husband at her arranged wedding back in 1998. Her first sight of Chakradhar was in his off-white kurta made of fine silk, and his delicate smile shone like a bronzed Shiva statue glistening after a morning dew. His jet black hair, cold dead eyes and muscular hairless arms were almost overwhelming for Jhinuk, who instantly fell in love with this successful surgeon and courageous deity, along with his ideals of raising a family on the great continent of North America.

Unfortunately for the whole family, Chakradhar's medical degree is meaningless in Canada. Being the resourceful scholar he is though, Chak has become a different sort of surgeon in his new home - although he is not officially a "doctor", his work grilling hamburgers and spreading condiments has enabled him to provide Jhinuk and their three sons a gorgeous basement apartment very close to the local community college.

Thrash Stache

Eric "Wobbles" Granston has been dealing with disappointment since 1982. Not only was this the first year he was forced into repeating the fifth grade, but it was also when Cliff Burton replaced Ron McGovney as the lead bassist in Metallica. Wobbles turned to smoking marijuana when he first learned of the untimely death of Burton in 1986; and by the time Jason Newsted had won his turn as Metallica's bassist, Wobbles was a 15 year old high-schooler who was experimenting with LSD and mutilating animal corpses. Fast forward to 2008 and we can find a dramatically aged Eric (who no longer uses his alias) living in his grandmothers basement and showing the wear and tear of a life lived in the fast lane. He found God while in prison for a short stint in 2002, and ironically enough lost his anal virginity to Bleed For Me by Black Label Society - with whom Metallica's latest bassist, Robert Trujillo, was playing at the time.

Many thanks to Brandy for her brilliant and brazen photograph, taken at Heavy MTL.